It’s not a secret that I’ve been on my fair share of dates, 95% of which have been mentally scarring. I don’t mean we fought over who paid for the bill, I mean genuinely trying to escape out of the bathroom window. Here’s a couple of my worst dates, and why they’re all in my past thanks to The Inner Circle who screen all my dates, so I don’t have to.
50 Shades of Grey
He began with “I’ve been to rehab twice, and I probably need to go back for nymphomania” with a slimy grimace that not even Hugh Grant could pull off. Within 15 minutes he proudly announced, while licking his lips, that once he was married, his wife wouldn’t be allowed to work and would be at his beck and call 24/7 but would ‘turn a blind eye’ when he repeatedly cheated on her.
Needless to say, I calmly announced that I was going to “find the toilets”, then asked the waiter how I could leave without being seen. The waiter asked who I was with, I pointed to my date, he said “give me 5 minutes, I’ll personally help you leave”.
The Phantom of the Opera is nuts
He took me to an exhibition, left my ticket behind the information table and said “you’ll have to find me”. It was exciting, it was fun, I was really keen. The exhibition was a room filled with speakers, each with a different voice singing one part of an Opera. He decided one was below par and that he could do it better. So he did. Out loud. He went around the room saying how terrible each was and then showed me how to do all of the parts himself, insanely loud, everyone was looking, the curator was there and staring at us, it was humiliating.
The next day he sent me a text saying “I don’t want to scare you but I think I want to marry you”. Needless to say I ran for the hills.
“Have you found someone now?” I imagine you’re asking yourself as you skim read this on your phone, let’s be honest probably on the toilet. I am still searching, but I have decided to try a much more filtered approach.
The Inner Circle is my app of choice, the users are filtered before they get a profile (no more Catfishing), everyone is an ambitious young professional with similar interests and they run events in cities across the world (no more awkward first dates).