A few months back, eyebrow heavy Britpop legend Noel Gallagher was telling the media how the BRIT Awards had gone wrong somewhere along the way. Back in his day there were always ‘little shit-kickers’ like him hanging around at the ceremonies, scruffy young toe-rags on a classic wannabe rock star journey. Well, it’s 2013 and the world has changed. Gone are the motley bands of wastrels on rags to riches quests. In their place we have the sickeningly polished likes of Ed Sheeran and One Direction – sure, they’re no angels, but they’re not exactly what you’d call ‘rock’n’roll’ either…

What we need is a new crop of bands with not only the talent to write great tunes, but the hedonistic spirit to get our pulses raising. We just don’t have a Pete and Carl right now. Depending on your tastes, that is either a very bad or an absolutely wonderful thing in terms of what music’s out there, but no right-thinking devotee of guitar music could possibly deny that we’re badly in need of someone that delicious little bit off the rails.

There are a few out there who are definitely trying, like London’s Palma Violets who do it horribly and Yorkshire art-punks Fawn Spots, who actually do it really quite well. But we really do need someone to step up to the plate in a bigger way. Frank Carter’s new outfit Pure Love are taking a pretty good shot at it, with tales from their recent UK tour emerging which suggest they’ve been downing pints of beer whilst somehow playing their instruments at the same time and whipping up crowds into such a frenzy that they literally ripped lighting rigs off ceilings. Not bad going guys, and as long as your record label’s footing the repair bill, we’d like to see more of the same!

We want our guitar heroes to be feral, unhinged, unguarded. We want month-long benders, fist fights in dressing rooms, needlessly vast quantities of groupies and totally free living! We want wild, unpolished performances on stage and unpredictable lives off it!  Where there’s free time, it should be spent chasing girls, playing against the odds with an iPad at an online casino like Interops and making outrageous rider requests to undeserving venue staff.

Is it too much to ask for our rock stars to act like rock stars? We’re not saying “burn out in a few years, get hooked on heroin and join the 27 club” here. What we’re saying, is live hard, be free and lose that X Factor sheen, for God’s sake. How are we meant to feel inspired by the sight of a bunch of super-rich, airbrushed mummy’s boys miming to pre-packaged pop and occasionally getting told off by the Daily Mail for having a cheeky puff on a spliff? Let’s put the danger back in pop culture, please!