Ever feel like you spend so much time on a tube line that you’re practically dating it? After all, you most likely can’t stand it and yet can’t live without it… Sounds kinda like dating to us! Which got us thinking, what if all the tube lines were actually dating? What might their profiles look like on Badoo?
Bakerloo: Mr Baker, 30
Mr Baker likes the finer things in life. He lives in Marylebone with his pedigree brown labs. He walks them around Regent’s Park, once, of course, he has slipped out of his tweed.
(Note – Don’t for one second think that he’ll be using any GIFs to charm you.)
District: Divya, 32
Lives clean, eats green. Is vegan (most of the time), and does her weekly shop at Whole Foods. ‘Pops’ to Kew Gardens every fortnight, because she’s sad that the only things that grow on her patio are weeds. Wants a relationship she can nurture.
Northern: Neil, 22
Neil’s your classic Clapham lad. He plays rugby to an average-to-poor level and is mainly in it for the booze. He spends his weekends at Infernos, thinks he’s god’s gift to dating but tends to divide the ladies.
(Note – Neil is probably still using his Zante 2012 pics in his profile)
Victoria: Vicky, 24
Loves to brunch. Asks for her Hollandaise sauce on the side because she’s watching her weight, but ends up eating it all anyway. Tells her friends she only downloads dating apps for a laugh, but secretly takes them oh-so seriously.
Jubilee: John, 27
Lives in Canary Wharf because he likes the ‘atmosphere’. Considers a Psycle class a ‘fun’ date idea. Incorrectly uses quotation marks for ‘emphasis’. His profile picture is likely to be his LinkedIn headshot.
Piccadilly: Pixie, 29
A theatre lover and thespian in her own right. Has watched Les Mis approximately 5 times. Whatever you do, don’t talk to her about the film version – Tom Hooper and his close-ups ruined everything.
Hammersmith and City: Hamish, 23
The kid that turns up to the party but no one really knows why they’re there. Came to London to ‘find themselves’ but hasn’t just yet. All of his pictures are groups of people, so good luck picking him out of the crowd.
Central: Craig, 26
A banker who doesn’t want to fall into the stereotype (although he still can’t resist the odd treasure chest at Mahiki). He wants to settle down with someone who can keep up with his antics, so expect a date with this guy to leave you with a Moet-induced hangover.
Waterloo and City: Wayne, 27
This guy never hangs around for long. He gets to the point in the first message with a ridiculously direct chat up line, which definitely involves this 😜. Great if you’re after a short term fling, but don’t expect breakfast in bed the next morning.
Circle: Claire, 25
A bit of a serial ex-dater. She’s trying to take the advice of her pals at Bikram yoga and break the habit of revisiting old flames. So she joined dating apps to meet someone new, but still ends up talking to guys already in her circle…
Metropolitan: Martin, 31
Shy and understated. Spends all his time with the same couple of friends and rarely hangs out with the opposite sex. Expect several weeks of chat before you get anywhere near a casual drink in town.
Overground: Olly, 26
Considers himself to be above the rest. Travels 3 hours to go to Hackney on a Saturday night because that’s where ‘the scene’ is. Don’t expect him to show up to a date on time.
DLR: Dee, 25
A woman in tech: a self-starter, who is driven only by her own motivation. She isn’t really looking for anybody, but decided to download Badoo to check out its pioneering location-based technology.
If you want to get your dating life on the right tracks, download Badoo for free here.
