‘Funky’ is definitely the word.
Located near the Spitalfields Market on Commercial Street, Funky Asia seems at first glance like a cross between a diner and a discotheque. Upon entering this vast, rustic space ridden with fluorescent lights, I didn’t know quite what to expect. I had heard that the place specialized in Pan-Asian cuisine, but nothing in its ‘vibe’ seemed to communicate that. As well, the fact that all the waiters and waitresses were conspicuously Indian certainly didn’t elucidate things for me, and as I was ushered to my table amidst a hollow, empty space, I couldn’t help but feel confused.
However, once I got a chance to flip through the menu, I was assured I was in the right place. Offering an impressive selection of delicacies from China, Korea, Vietnam, Thailand, and Japan, Funky Asia definitely does what it says on the tin, and by offering smaller portions at very reasonable prices, one can sample a variety of dishes without ever succumbing to boredom. As well, in addition to boasting a comprehensive (yet manageable) food menu, the restaurant also features a noteworthy selection of wines and cocktails, which are not only savoury in their own right, but complement their pan-Asian offerings particularly well.
For starters, my friend and I ordered a portion of Spicy Edamame, Beef Tataki, and Spicy Tofu. The Spicy Edamame, while somewhat savoury, was lacking in salinity and presentation. Coated with a red sauce akin to diluted ketchup and sprinkled with chili flakes, these beans may have tasted alright, but were definitely not easy on the eyes. The tofu on the other hand was both tasty and well-presented, although I personally like my tofu a bit firmer and crispier on the outside. As for the Beef Tataki, my friend, being a lover of all things bovine commented that it was ‘plain’ and ‘harmless’ at best, not to mention the fact that it featured a few old cucumbers here and there.
[quote_right]Never before have I used cutlery with such trepidation – although I wonder if the chopsticks they had provided would have made life any easier[/quote_right]Now, to the mains. If I may give a few words of advice, steer clear of the Tobans. Presented in sizzling bowls which are sure to sputter hot oil onto anything in sight, these dishes – to be blunt – lacked in both style and substance. After waiting for the wrath of our Vegetable and Beef Tobans to subside, and wiping ourselves down with our napkins, we proceeded to eat. I say ‘eat’ and not ‘enjoy our meals’, as my Toban consisted of a few awry pieces of fried vegetables, while my companion’s offered nothing more than cold pieces of beef – proper nursing home fare, if you ask me. What’s worse, aside from tasting rather insipid (except for the potatoes which were actually very tasty), with every stroke of my knife and fork, I was treated to the sensation of hot oil splashing on my arms, shirt, and face. Never before have I used cutlery with such trepidation – although I wonder if the chopsticks they had provided would have made life any easier.
The Tobans aside, the Bok Choy which our waiter had highly recommended was definitely the zenith of the evening. Paired with a portion of Jasmine Rice and bottle of Rosé from New Zealand, one can surely do no wrong. However, that being said, it’s going to take a lot more than Bok Choy to convince me to sit under these fluorescent lights again.
After breathing a sigh of relief that the meal was over, we hastily asked for the dessert menu in order to leave Funky Asia with a pleasant taste in our mouths. However, luck just wasn’t on our side that night, and we made the mistake of ordering two portions of Mochi ice cream in pineapple and green tea. Now, for those of you who think Mochi ice cream is just your standard ice cream or kulfi with a hint of East Asia, think again. To my horror, I was presented with what looked like three globs of sewer-green house paint, which oozed when punctured. As well, I could hardly manage to eat these vile concoctions, as they were so incredibly gooey that I needed to ask my waiter for a fork! However, this spectacle would have been forgivable had the ice cream actually tasted delicious, which sadly, it did not.
To spare you any additional details – I hardly touched one of my ‘globs’, and left the rest untouched. True, I had failed to succeed even in the dessert department – which is quite something – but I wasn’t going to give up there. Eyeing a selection of Port at the bottom of the dessert list, I decided to give it one last shot. Although they were running dry on Cockburn’s that evening, I resigned myself to a chalice of Hutcheson’s Vintage, which I am pleased to say made my Mochi misery just seem like a bad dream.
By now, you’ve probably guessed that I’m not too particularly fond of the ‘funk’, and that it will be quite some time before I submit myself to another round of Chinese torture (excuse the pun), so I’m going to save myself the trouble of giving a verdict.
A shame, really, as this restaurant does have the potential to be something great.
Funky Asia
159 Commercial Street
London E1 6BJ
www.funkyasia.co.uk
