Have you ever walked into a room and felt the energy shift? Like suddenly everyone seemed a bit… uncomfortable?
I used to experience this all the time during my financial analyst days. I’d stride into conference rooms, and conversations would quiet down. People would shift in their seats. At first, I thought it was respect for my position, but after a particularly awkward client meeting where everyone seemed on edge, a colleague pulled me aside. “You know you can be pretty intimidating, right?” she said gently.
I was floored. Me? Intimidating? I wasn’t trying to scare anyone. I was just being myself, or so I thought.
That conversation sent me down a rabbit hole of research into body language and social psychology. What I discovered was eye-opening: many of us unconsciously do things that make others feel small or uncomfortable, especially when we enter a room. We’re basically sending out “stay away” signals without even knowing it.
If you’ve ever wondered why people seem nervous around you or why conversations die when you join them, you might be doing one of these seven things. The good news? Once you’re aware of them, you can dial them back and create more welcoming energy.
1. Making too much direct eye contact immediately
Eye contact is powerful. When used right, it builds connection. But when you lock eyes with everyone the moment you enter a room, scanning like a searchlight, it can feel predatory.
I learned this the hard way at a networking event. I’d read that confident people make strong eye contact, so I walked in making deliberate eye contact with each person I passed. Later, someone told me I looked like I was “sizing everyone up for a fight.”
Research shows that prolonged eye contact triggers our fight-or-flight response. When you enter a room, try the “soft gaze” approach instead. Look around casually, let your eyes land briefly on people, then look away naturally. Save the sustained eye contact for actual conversations.
Think of it like this: you want to acknowledge people’s presence, not challenge them to a staring contest.
2. Taking up excessive physical space
There’s confident posture, and then there’s dominating the room. If you’re spreading your belongings across multiple chairs, standing with your legs super wide, or gesturing so broadly that people have to dodge your arms, you’re probably intimidating folks without meaning to.
During my analyst years, I had a demanding boss who taught me about presence. She’d walk into meetings and somehow fill the entire space. At first, I tried to emulate her, thinking bigger meant more authoritative. But I noticed people would physically shrink around me, pulling their arms in, stepping back.
The sweet spot? Stand tall with your shoulders back, but keep your stance natural. Claim your space without invading others’. Your presence should say “I belong here,” not “This is my territory.”
3. Walking in while on your phone
Nothing says “you’re not important” quite like entering a room while having a loud phone conversation or typing furiously on your device. You might think you look busy and important, but what others see is someone who considers them background noise.
I’ve been guilty of this myself. Racing between meetings, trying to squeeze in one more email, walking in mid-conversation. The message it sends? Everyone here is less important than whatever’s on my screen.
When you enter a room, put the phone away. Even if you’re just scrolling, it creates a barrier. People interpret it as “I’m too important to fully be here.” Give the room and the people in it your attention, even if just for those first few moments.
4. Using a loud, commanding voice from the start
Volume control is everything. If your voice booms across the room the second you enter, announcing your presence like a town crier, you’re probably making people uncomfortable.
There’s science behind this. Sudden loud noises activate our amygdala, the brain’s alarm system. When you enter speaking at full volume, you’re literally triggering people’s stress response.
Start softer. Match the room’s energy level first, then gradually find your natural speaking volume. You can still be heard without making everyone jump.
5. Immediately taking charge of conversations
Do you walk into ongoing conversations and immediately redirect them? Jump in with your opinion before understanding the context? Take over the discussion?
This habit often comes from enthusiasm or confidence, but it reads as dismissive. You’re essentially saying, “Whatever you were discussing wasn’t as interesting as what I have to say.”
Instead, try the pause-and-assess approach. Enter the room, listen for a beat, get a feel for what’s happening. Join conversations rather than hijacking them. Ask questions before offering opinions. Show interest in what was already happening before you arrived.
6. Standing too close to people right away
Personal space bubbles are real, and they vary by culture and individual comfort levels. When you enter a room and immediately get into someone’s personal space, their body goes on alert.
I once had a client meeting where I enthusiastically greeted someone I’d only met via video calls. I went straight in for a handshake, standing much closer than I would have with a stranger. They visibly stepped back, and the meeting started on an awkward note.
The rule of thumb? Start at arm’s length or slightly more. Let people invite you closer through their body language. Watch for signs like leaning in or stepping back, and adjust accordingly.
7. Using closed-off or aggressive body language
Sometimes we think we look confident when we actually look confrontational. Crossed arms, hands on hips, clenched jaw, furrowed brows – these might feel like power poses to you, but they read as aggressive or dismissive to others.
Even subtle things matter. Walking in with your chin tilted up too high seems arrogant. Keeping your hands in fists looks tense. Standing with your back perfectly straight and rigid appears inflexible.
Try this instead: relax your face, let your arms hang naturally or use gentle gestures, keep your posture upright but not stiff. Think “approachable confidence” rather than “fortress of power.”
Final thoughts
After that colleague pointed out my intimidating behavior, I spent months consciously adjusting these habits. The change in how people responded to me was remarkable. Conversations became easier, people seemed more relaxed, and ironically, I gained more genuine respect by being less intimidating.
The truth is, most of us who come across as intimidating aren’t trying to be scary. We’re often just nervous, excited, or trying too hard to appear confident. Real confidence whispers; it doesn’t need to shout.
Pay attention to how people react when you enter a room over the next few days. Do they tense up? Stop talking? Move away? If so, you might be unconsciously doing one of these things.
The beautiful thing is that small adjustments can make a huge difference. You don’t need a personality overhaul, just a bit more awareness of your impact on others. Because at the end of the day, true power comes from making others feel comfortable and valued, not from making them feel small.