Ever notice how the people who seem happiest are often the ones doing less, not more?
I spent years adding habits, routines, and strategies to my life, convinced that happiness was something I could achieve through sheer effort. Turns out, I had it backwards. The real breakthrough came when I started subtracting instead of adding.
Psychology research backs this up. Studies consistently show that our well-being improves not when we pile on more self-improvement tactics, but when we let go of the behaviors that drain our joy. After diving deep into the research and doing my own inner work, I’ve identified five things that, once eliminated, can transform your daily experience of life.
Ready to lighten your load?
1. Stop chasing perfection in everything you do
When was the last time “good enough” actually felt good enough to you?
For years, I couldn’t submit a report without triple-checking every comma. I’d spend hours perfecting emails that people would skim in seconds. Every project, no matter how small, became an exhausting marathon toward an impossible standard.
Psychologist Thomas Greenspon’s research shows that perfectionism is linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. It’s not the motivator we think it is. Instead, it’s a joy thief disguised as ambition.
Here’s what shifted everything for me: learning about the concept of “good enough.” Not settling for mediocrity, but recognizing when additional effort stops adding value. That presentation doesn’t need fourteen more revisions. Your home doesn’t need to look Instagram-ready every moment. Your workout doesn’t have to be optimal to be beneficial.
The irony? Since embracing “good enough,” my work quality hasn’t dropped. If anything, I’m more creative and productive because I’m not paralyzed by impossible standards. Plus, I actually enjoy what I’m doing instead of constantly critiquing it.
Try this: Pick one area of your life where you can practice “good enough” this week. Notice how it feels to complete something without the endless tweaking. You might be surprised by the relief.
2. Stop believing that rest is laziness
Do you feel guilty when you’re not being productive?
I used to wake up on Saturdays with a mental checklist longer than my workday to-dos. Sitting still felt like failure. Even reading a book came with the nagging thought that I should be doing something more “useful.”
This belief that rest equals laziness? It’s not just wrong, it’s scientifically backwards. Research from the University of Illinois shows that taking regular breaks actually improves focus and performance. Meanwhile, chronic overwork leads to decreased creativity, poor decision-making, and eventual burnout.
The turning point came when I challenged this deep-seated belief that my worth was tied to my productivity. Rest isn’t the absence of productivity. It’s the foundation that makes meaningful work possible. Your brain literally needs downtime to process information, form memories, and generate new ideas.
Start small if this feels uncomfortable. Schedule fifteen minutes of deliberate nothing. Sit outside. Stare at the ceiling. Let your mind wander without reaching for your phone. Notice any guilt that arises and gently remind yourself: rest is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.
Athletes don’t feel guilty about recovery days because they know that’s when muscles actually grow stronger. Your mind works the same way.
3. Stop seeking external validation for your worth
How often do you check your phone after posting something on social media?
Achievement used to be my drug of choice. Promotions, praise, recognition. Each accomplishment gave me a temporary high, but like any addiction, I always needed more. The validation was never enough because I was trying to fill an internal void with external applause.
Psychological research on self-determination theory shows that people who rely heavily on external validation report lower life satisfaction and higher anxiety levels. The constant need for others’ approval puts your emotional well-being in everyone else’s hands but your own.
Working through this meant confronting some uncomfortable truths about why I needed that validation so desperately. Growing up as a “gifted child,” my identity became tangled up with achievement. Good grades meant I was good. Success meant I mattered.
But here’s what nobody tells you: external validation is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom. No amount will ever be enough if you don’t believe in your inherent worth first.
Practice validating yourself. Keep a private journal of things you’re proud of that nobody else knows about. The small victories. The moments of integrity. The times you showed up for yourself. Build an internal foundation that doesn’t shake every time someone disapproves.
4. Stop immediately fixing every uncomfortable feeling
What’s your go-to response when you feel anxious, sad, or frustrated?
My default was always to problem-solve my way out of discomfort. Feeling anxious? Make a plan. Feeling sad? Find a solution. Every emotion became a problem to fix rather than an experience to feel.
Research in emotional intelligence shows that people who can tolerate difficult emotions without immediately acting on them have better mental health outcomes and stronger relationships. Psychologist Marc Brackett’s work demonstrates that emotional suppression actually intensifies negative feelings over time.
Learning to sit with discomfort instead of immediately trying to solve it away was revolutionary. Sometimes sadness just needs to be felt. Sometimes anxiety is just your body’s way of saying something matters to you. Not every feeling requires action.
This doesn’t mean wallowing or letting emotions control you. It means giving them space to exist without judgment. Set a timer for five minutes and just feel whatever you’re feeling. No fixing, no analyzing, just experiencing. You might find that emotions, when given room to breathe, often resolve themselves.
5. Stop saying yes when you mean no
When did you last agree to something while internally screaming “no”?
People-pleasing was my specialty. I’d volunteer for projects I didn’t have time for, attend events that drained me, and offer help even when my own plate was overflowing. Saying no felt selfish, even cruel.
But research from the Journal of Consumer Psychology shows that people consistently overestimate how harshly others will judge them for saying no. We imagine catastrophic reactions that rarely materialize. Meanwhile, constantly saying yes leads to resentment, exhaustion, and ironically, letting people down when we can’t follow through.
Working through these tendencies meant recognizing where they came from. The need to be liked. The fear of disappointing others. The belief that my value came from being helpful and accommodating.
Here’s the truth: saying no to one thing means saying yes to something else. When you decline that committee you don’t want to join, you’re saying yes to time with your family. When you skip the networking event that exhausts you, you’re saying yes to your well-being.
Start with small nos. Pause before automatically saying yes. Ask for time to think about requests. Remember that “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t need elaborate excuses or justifications.
Final thoughts
Looking at this list, you might feel overwhelmed. How can you stop doing all these things at once?
You can’t, and you shouldn’t try. Pick one that resonates most strongly. Maybe it’s the perfectionism that keeps you up at night editing that already-good-enough email. Maybe it’s the guilt you feel taking a lunch break.
Change happens slowly, then suddenly. Each small shift creates space for joy that was always there, just buried under layers of unnecessary effort and misguided beliefs.
The happiest people aren’t doing more. They’ve learned the art of doing less of what doesn’t serve them. They’ve discovered that joy isn’t something you achieve but something you uncover by clearing away the obstacles.
What will you stop doing today?