We think trust is something that builds over months or years. Shared experiences, proven reliability, time.
But the science tells a different story.
Research from Princeton University found that people make judgments about trustworthiness within 100 milliseconds of meeting someone. That’s faster than a blink. And according to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy’s research, warmth and competence account for roughly 80 to 90 percent of how we evaluate others. The twist? Warmth comes first. People need to trust you before your competence even registers.
As Cuddy puts it, without trust, competence is actually perceived as a threat. A person who seems capable but cold triggers suspicion, not admiration.
So what does this look like in practice? It starts with what you say. Not rehearsed scripts or manipulative tactics, but specific phrases that signal warmth, honesty, and genuine interest. Phrases that tap into what psychologists have identified as the core drivers of trust: perceived benevolence, integrity, and competence.
Here are nine of them.
1. “Tell me more about that.”
Most people don’t listen. They wait for their turn to talk. Stephen Covey nailed this observation decades ago, and the research continues to back it up. When you ask someone to elaborate, you’re doing something psychologists call active listening, and it triggers a measurable response. The other person feels seen. Their guard drops. Neurochemically, the experience of being genuinely heard is associated with oxytocin release, the same bonding hormone that helps newborns trust their parents.
The key is meaning it. Lean in slightly, hold eye contact, and actually follow the thread of what they say next. People can distinguish between polite curiosity and real interest almost instantly.
2. “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”
There’s a counterintuitive truth buried in the trust literature: admitting what you don’t know makes people trust you more, not less. The instinct most of us have, especially in professional settings, is to project certainty. We think gaps in knowledge signal weakness. But research on warmth and competence judgments shows that perceived honesty is a stronger predictor of trust than perceived expertise.
This phrase works because it demonstrates two things simultaneously: integrity (you’re not bluffing) and initiative (you’ll close the gap). That combination is rare enough to be memorable. People don’t need you to have every answer. They need to know that the answers you do give are reliable.
3. “I was wrong about that.”
Vulnerability is one of the most misunderstood forces in human interaction. We’ve been conditioned to see it as weakness, but psychologist Brené Brown’s research tells a different story. People connect more deeply with those who demonstrate authenticity, and admitting a mistake is one of the purest forms of it.
Studies on managerial candor have found that leaders who acknowledge oversights are consistently rated as more trustworthy. The mechanism is simple: when someone owns an error without being forced to, it signals that their self-image matters less to them than the truth. That’s a powerful signal in a world where most people are protecting their ego at all costs.
4. “What do you think?”
This question does something subtle and powerful. It positions the other person as someone whose perspective has value. Not in a performative way, but as a genuine consultation.
In Cuddy’s research on first impressions, the most trusted people weren’t those with the best answers. They were those who made others feel their input mattered. When you ask this question and then actually wait for the response, you’re communicating cognitive respect. Harvard negotiation scholars call this “process focus,” and it predicts higher trust and smoother collaboration.
Most people go through their day with their opinions unasked for. When someone breaks that pattern, it registers.
5. “Here’s what I can do.”
When something goes wrong, most people either deflect blame or drown you in explanations of what they can’t do. Neither builds trust. What builds trust is pivoting immediately to action.
People trust what they can see, and a concrete offer is a visible promise. Instead of narrating the problem, you’re narrating the solution. The spotlight stays on what happens next rather than what went wrong. This is especially powerful in professional settings where everyone expects excuses. The person who skips the excuse and goes straight to the remedy stands out immediately.
6. “Because…”
This one isn’t a phrase so much as a word, and the psychology behind it is fascinating. In Ellen Langer’s famous 1978 experiment at Harvard, researchers tested different ways of asking to cut in line at a copy machine. When the request included no reason, 60 percent of people complied. When it included a reason introduced by the word “because,” compliance jumped to 94 percent. The remarkable part? Even when the reason was essentially meaningless (“because I need to make copies”), the compliance rate was nearly identical at 93 percent.
The word “because” satisfies a deep psychological need for logic and fairness. When you attach a reason to a request, even a brief one, you’re showing respect for the other person’s autonomy. You’re not just asking. You’re explaining. And that distinction matters more than most of us realize.
7. “I appreciate your time.”
Time is the one resource no one can manufacture more of. Acknowledging that someone has given you theirs, whether in a quick conversation or a longer meeting, signals a level of respect that most people forget to express.
This phrase works because it transforms the interaction from transactional to personal. You’re not treating the encounter as something owed to you. You’re recognizing it as something given. Research on trust formation consistently shows that perceived warmth, the sense that someone has your interests in mind, is the first and most heavily weighted dimension in how we evaluate others. Gratitude is one of the simplest ways to project that warmth.
8. “That’s a really good point.”
Acknowledging another person’s insight, even when it challenges your own position, earns immediate respect. This isn’t about flattery. It’s about demonstrating that you’re genuinely processing what someone says rather than defending a position.
The trust literature distinguishes between three components of trusting beliefs: competence, benevolence, and integrity. When you credit someone’s contribution, you’re hitting all three. You’re showing competence (you can evaluate ideas on merit), benevolence (you care about getting things right, not winning), and integrity (you’re honest about where good ideas come from).
This phrase is especially disarming in tense conversations. It shifts the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative in a single sentence.
9. “I understand how you feel.”
Empathy is the fastest bridge to trust that exists. When you communicate that you grasp someone’s emotional experience, not just their words, you’re satisfying what psychologists identify as one of the deepest human needs: the need to be understood.
The critical distinction is between understanding and agreeing. You don’t have to share someone’s opinion to validate their experience. Saying “I understand how you feel” without immediately trying to fix the problem or redirect the conversation shows that you’re willing to sit with someone in their reality before imposing your own. That willingness is rare, and people recognize it when they encounter it.
The common thread
None of these phrases work as scripts. Read them off a checklist and people will see through you immediately. As research on first impressions consistently shows, we form judgments about authenticity almost as quickly as we form judgments about trustworthiness. Our brains are wired to detect incongruence between what someone says and how they say it.
The common thread running through all nine phrases is this: they shift attention away from yourself and toward the other person. They signal that you’re not trying to impress, perform, or dominate. You’re trying to connect.
That’s the thing most people get wrong about trust. They think it requires credentials, confidence, or charisma. But the research points in a different direction entirely. Trust starts with warmth. It starts with making the other person feel that you have their interests in mind, that you’re paying attention, and that you’re honest about what you know and don’t know.
You don’t need years to build it. Sometimes all it takes is the right words, delivered with genuine intention, in the first few seconds of an interaction.